The Third Wheel

I'm going to preface this little story with an explanation. 4 and a half years ago, I started dating a girl. We didn't have a lot in common, but we had similar personalities. Over time, we developed mutual interests, but the problem was we were the only couple in our group of friends. Thus, when we weren't going on our own dates, we were doing group activities. Inevitably though, there would be times when it was us and just one of our friends. At the time, I didn't see what the big deal was. Sure we were gross; we held hands, kissed at odd times, hugged spontaneously. So really gross. But we talked alot, asked a lot of questions, were fun people. Think about all the things you can do with couples you can't do alone? Go Apple Picking, go out to dinner, catch a movie. Sure it's awkward, but it's something, isn't it?

Well, I've been out of that relationship for 2 months, and I have officially decided that being the Third Wheel is absolute horseshit. This is not only a rant about how horseshit it is, but also an apology to all those people who once tagged along with me and my ex; I'm sorry for the excruciating awkwardness we piled on you. I'm sorry for every meaningful look we exchanged, every wink, every squeeze of the hand, and most importantly, every embrace of the arms or lips. It's fucking horrible, and I'm sorry to have put your through that. From the deepest and most sincerest part of my heart, please believe me when I say I had no idea what I was putting you through, and now that I do, I hope you'll forgive me.

Why am I doing this? The short answer: I'm single. Who else am I going to tell this to? I had a revelation today, and this is my chance to share it with the world. Mostly though, because I don't have anything better to do. Also, this was originally a post on Facebook, where people might actually read it. Now it's just locked away here in my blog, where no one will ever see it again...

So, here are the things that lead to my epiphany.

This afternoon I tried to get a group of my friends to play bocci. One was camping, one was working, a few others were hanging out with other people, but two of my friends were available. They happen to be an adorable couple. They literally are exactly what you imagine your parents looking like 20 years ago. And, god bless them, they are not nearly as uncomfortably cuddly as my relationship was.

Even so, that bocci game is what showed me how horrible it was to be the third wheel. It wasn't even things they were doing; they weren't holding hands, swapping spit, or even being that adorable most of the time. But it was still there in the back of my head, like the old Sesame Street song, "One of these things is not like the other." I feel horrible saying it, because I love these two people to death, and I have never felt any animosity toward them, but at that moment I was terrified at the notion of being the third-wheel.

I couldn't believe how awkward I felt, even without them doing anything. I had hung out with them before, and never felt that tension ever. Was it just because the last 2 months have been pretty rough that I didn't notice? Or was it the weather, this warmth that just caused relationships to blossom and spill allergens all over the people around them?

So, that's the mindset I was in this evening. Terrified that I would be the odd-man out, the tag-along, the third wheel. I called my friends to see what they were doing, and they said to stop by whenever. I got inside to find out that I was no longer the third-wheel. I was the 7th wheel. 7th! The couple from before, and two other "pairs," both to varying degrees of seriousness. It still was apparent, and my fear from earlier just grew and grew as I sat in the room. How do you become a 7th wheel?! I quickly thought up an escape plan; "Yeah, I'm gonna head out." "What, so soon?" "Yea... i was just stopping in on my way to..." "Oh, ok. Well, have fun!" And that was that.

Maybe it's just part of the phases of breaking up, but couples seem to be everywhere. This was probably just another phase; like some sick Alfred Hitchcock film, I feel like couples are swooping in around me, trying to peck my eyes out. Hopefully, it's just a phase, because these are my friends. Summer of Junior year, one of my friends spent 5 weeks as the third-wheel to me and my ex. 5 weeks. I couldn't even go an entire bocci match without thinking "it blows being the third-wheel."

Melodramatic? Maybe? A Waste of 90 minutes of my own time? Certainly not. I had a lot of fun writing this, and at the same time I was talking with a friend I've made in the last 2 months, and it was a pretty good conversation. About as enlightening as this rant about being the third wheel.

Again, I'd just like to say, I'm soooooo soooooo sooooo friggin' sorry to anyone who ever was the third wheel to me and Meagan. Literally, we were probably the worst couple to third-wheel with. It's sickening to think how touchy-feely we were, and how "mom and dad"ish our questions probably sounded, and how that probably made anyone with us want to jump in front of traffic. Before today, I didn't realize what you went through, but now that I know, I hope you'll accept my apology.

If either member of the couple I mentioned in this post read this, please know I don't mean anything against you guys by this post. I love you both, and you two are amazing. Today it hit me though, even more than any other time, being single may blow, but being single in the midst of a couple is even worse. I hope you'll still play bocci with me, and still be the adorable couple I think you are, and don't let anything change that.

Yeah, it's 2:15...